Network University

Business cards?  Check.  Name badge?  Check.  Through the double doors and into the room full of unfamiliar faces.  Scan once or twice.  “Oh please, ” you think.  “Let me see a familiar face.”  One more scan, and no such luck.  What typically happens next is that you decide to head to one of “The Three B’s”:  the Bar, the Buffet, or  the Bathroom.  “Ahh”, you think to yourself.  “a minute to gather myself together.” 

Sound familiar?  Here’s the really funny thing.  Most of the people in that room – honestly, most of them, feel the exact same way.  So what is it that makes it so easy for some people to network effectively while others struggle?  Often, we think it’s a dynamic personality or  simply possessing the elusive “schmoozer gene”.  But I believe it is something else, entirely. 

Yes, it is wonderful to have a comfort level with groups of people and if you happen to possess a dynamic personality, that doesn’t hurt.  But because most people there feel much the same way that you do, what they are all really looking for is someone to make the experience easier for them.  In my opinion, the most important quality of the best networkers is that they are excellent listeners.  It’s that simple.

If you ask a room full of people “What is everyone’s favorite subject to talk about?”  99% of the room will respond with “themselves”.  And they would be correct.  So for you introverts out there that don’t think you have a shot at being as effective at networking as your dynamic counterparts, now you know how to make a meaningful mark and expand your networks exponentially.  Listening is an amazing skill that can transform a stranger into a friend. 

Here are a few goals to set for your next networking event that will help you hone this priceless skill and make the process painless:

1)  Set a goal.  Decide to meet three new people that evening.  Once you’ve done that, reward yourself with something you enjoy – meet a friend for dinner, go to a movie, head home to relax and read a good book.

2)  Vow to ask questions.  We already know that people want to talk about themselves, and if you allow them to do that and really listen, they will walk away thinking that you are just the most amazing person in the room! 

3)  While you are listening to each of these three people, be sure to give them your full attention.  No looking over their shoulder, looking at your phone or watch.  Be sure they feel that they have  your undivided attention.

4)  Ask them how you would recognize a good referral for them in your day-to-day routine.  Then listen again for the answer.

5)  Thank them for their time and as  you walk away, make a few notes on the back of their business card so that you can remember details about that conversation.  

6)  Follow up the next day with a brief note (handwritten makes the biggest impact, but if you can’t do that, at least an e-mail) and reference some details from the conversation the night before.  Be sure not to tell them to call you if they ever need your services – that’s not the purpose of this correspondence.  Save that for later.  This is about them.

We are all just more polished versions of our high-school selves.  We still have insecurities, tend to find comfort in our cliques and are terrified of not fitting in.  By focusing on the other person, listening, making them comfortable, learning about their goals and challenges, we feel more like a host than a guest.  It puts us in a position of helping – and who would reject someone trying to help them?  Helping others and being a good listener are qualities that people identify with being considerate and genuine.  Being genuine creates the platform of trust, and we all want to do business with those whom we trust!

So you’re probably thinking…”What does Kenny Loggins have to do with Networking?”, right?  Well, on the surface, nothing.  But if you give me a minute and allow me to share a story, I think you’ll understand.  When I speak to groups, one of the topics that is always woven somewhere in my talks is about connection.  The kind of connection that makes us stop and realize that with all of our differences – in life experience, culture, religion, race, economic – we are all, on the most basic level, the same.  Each of us wants to be heard, appreciated, validated.  When we slow down and take a moment to recognize another person and connect with them, we make a difference, and in this case, a difference that has ripple effects years after the connection was made.

I have attached the video clip that tells the story, because there is nothing like hearing the story from those who experienced it themselves.  Wendy Soderman – the woman at the center of the story – started the school where my children now attend.  The school is a miracle in itself, and every brick, every mural and every student has been infused with her enthusiasm and hope.  Right down to the tile that bears the handprint of Kenny Loggins, located in “The Village” (what many schools may refer to as their cafeteria).  But it’s much more than that.  The story is about making a real connection with someone – even from hundreds of miles away – and the lasting impact it can have on both people, and all those that they touch in the future.  For Wendy, it was the words from Kenny Loggins’ song, “This Is It” that started it all in motion:

“You think that maybe it’s over
Only if you want it to be
Are you gonna wait for your sign, your
miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it”

After you watch the clip, which is hosted by Robert Downey Jr., think about what might happen if each of us were to make the kind of genuine connection with one another that is illustrated by this story.  We would be getting out of life that which I think we are most meant to.  Our lives would be richer and our businesses stronger – because everyone from our families, to our friends to our clients would have a sense of value and appreciation.  We are drawn to people who make us feel this way.  We like to be around them, we want to help them and we want to do business with them.



A while back, I was holding a meeting with some of my Assistant Directors and we went around the table sharing what each person’s dream referral would be.  Something specific.  The type of client that would make your year, if you had the opportunity to gain them as a client.  As we started sharing, I pushed for each to be more specific.  Tell me which company.  Tell me the name of the contact that you would love the introduction to – make your dream so clear, that every person at this table will walk away being able to share that dream referral with anyone they meet.

It began, one by one, specifically sharing the name of the contact, the company, all of the details that painted the picture of their dream referrals.  And so were planted the seeds of what were to become, for a few, their dreams transforming into a reality.

First, there was Diana (yes, I’m changing the names – it’s part of adding mystery to the story :)).  For her, she said that her dream referral would be an introduction to the HR Director at Waterview Properties – a prominent property management company with offices here in Florida, as well as in several other states.  Diana owned an IT company and having this account would make her year, and probably many to follow, as well as boost the credibility of her client list.  At the time, I didn’t have any personal connections at Waterview Properties, but the description she gave of her dream referral was so clear and concise, that it stayed with me.

Two years later, my son started  his first year of flag football.  He was seven-years-old and making his first big step into organized sports.  At the practices each week, the parents would sit on the sidelines and cheer on our kids – we would laugh and talk and get to know each other better…which sounds an awful lot like…networking!  Yes, there we were doing our personal form of networking.  And that is where I met and became friends with Debbie.  Her husband was one of the coaches and at each practice we would sit next to each other and talk, laugh and have a great time watching our kids.

Near the end of the season, after countless flag football practices and weekend games, we made plans to get the families together – we had had too much fun together all season to let this all end with the last game.  So with that, we made plans to have them over one Sunday for a casual meal and watch football.  It was a great afternoon and before they left that night, Debbie and I decided to make plans for a girl’s lunch.  No kids or husbands, just some time to hang out together and have a great lunch being girls.  I knew she worked in the area, so I figured that we’d meet at a restaurant locally.  “Debbie, where do you work?” I asked.  “I work over at Waterview Properties.”  she said.  Hmm…Waterview Properties…that sounded familiar.  Oh, right!  That was the company that Diana had told me about a while back – her dream referral!  “What do you do there?”   “I’m the HR Director.”  

Huh??  No way.  This was not just the company, but the exact person that Diana had been looking for an intoduction to!  Her dream referral was sitting right in front of me…was becoming a very close friend.  This was unbelieveable! 

“Debbie, you’re not going to believe this, but one of the  people I work with told me that you were the person that she most wanted to meet – that Waterview Properties was her dream referral!”.  Debbie started laughing.  “I can’t believe I’m anyone’s “Dream-anything!!”  she said.  “I’m flattered!”

With that, she started to ask some questions about Diana and her company.  Waterview Properties happened to be getting quite frustrated with their current IT company and Debbie was more than happy to meet with Diana to find out more about her IT company and see if it would be a good fit for Waterview’s needs.

Diana’s IT company got the account, and several years later, is still the IT provider for Waterview Properties.  Debbie and I are still very close friends and laugh about what a small world it is. 

And it is a small world.  But at the end of the day, networking at its very best, is natural.  It’s organic.  It’s not staged or “set up”.  Nobody is “playing” anybody.  It’s people meeting people.  Investing time and energy to get to know and hopefully, like them.  Then it’s adding value to their lives.  I know.  It sounds too simple.  But I’ve always found that when things feel simple, when they flow the most smoothly, that’s how you know you’re doing it right.

(My next blog continues with more great results from that same, first meeting where my AD’s shared their dream referrals.  Stay tuned for Organic Networking, part II!)

When negative things happen, whether in our businesses or in our personal lives, we are presented with a great opportunity to reflect, learn and grow.  Everything that happens – yes, everything – the good and the bad, holds a great opportunity to stop, take a breath and adjust our sails to let the wind propel us forward.

There is so much opportunity out there waiting for us to find it.  The problem is, if we are focused on what sits in our rearview mirrors, we cannot possibly focus on the new direction that will lead to our success.  People do not have the power to hold us back.  We do that all by ourselves.  It’s a conscious decision to learn the lesson, let go of the pain attached to the previous situation and allow the forward momentum to take hold.

Rip off the rearview mirror.  If we’re truly focused on moving forward – closer to our success, we cannot be distracted with what lies in our wake.  Only with what lies on the path ahead.